Saturday mornings mission: get to the store and spend too much money on dry goods and victuals or "vittles" as Granny used to call them on the show.
I really don't mind doing most of the shopping, I do most of the cooking so the two kind of go together. I have my own little ritual as far as the shopping list goes. If I need more than 3 things I better write it down. Writes a misnomer, I actually do a memo on my IPhone.
Plan was on Sunday I'm making a birthday dinner for my son. So that was the main focus of the shopping. I asked Jojo if there was anything she needed or we needed for the homestead and she couldn't think of anything so with my IPhone list complete I headed out.
I took her car, a 10 year old Lexus but still fun to drive and my Jimmy is not running too great. I look at the gas gauge and of course she's out of gas again. She has some newfound aversion to gas stations. She just goes from one vehicle to another depending on which one has gas in it. Thankfully she is getting a company car by the end of the month so she will has to take care of her own fill-ups.
Phone rings halfway to Meijers, you know who decided there were indeed things she needed at the store, she was going to COOK ! The count got up to 5 and I'm thinking I need to get the IPhone out and update my shopping list, I know it's illegal to drive and text but they didn't say anything about updating shopping lists. That's a little too unsafe so I try the mnemonic system. Let's see, she wants cream cheese, sour cream, cream of chicken, tortilla's and trash bags. Uhhhhhh........ I got nothin.
I took her car, a 10 year old Lexus but still fun to drive and my Jimmy is not running too great. I look at the gas gauge and of course she's out of gas again. She has some newfound aversion to gas stations. She just goes from one vehicle to another depending on which one has gas in it. Thankfully she is getting a company car by the end of the month so she will has to take care of her own fill-ups.
Phone rings halfway to Meijers, you know who decided there were indeed things she needed at the store, she was going to COOK ! The count got up to 5 and I'm thinking I need to get the IPhone out and update my shopping list, I know it's illegal to drive and text but they didn't say anything about updating shopping lists. That's a little too unsafe so I try the mnemonic system. Let's see, she wants cream cheese, sour cream, cream of chicken, tortilla's and trash bags. Uhhhhhh........ I got nothin.
By the time I got to Meijers I could only remember 4 out of the 5 things.
Shopping done, headed home, got lots to do today, our plans were to get our nasty house cleaned up and go gun shopping for Jojo's Christmas present. As soon as I walk in the door she is standing there her lips puckered out and looking really cute. "Can I ask you a big favor?"
Shopping done, headed home, got lots to do today, our plans were to get our nasty house cleaned up and go gun shopping for Jojo's Christmas present. As soon as I walk in the door she is standing there her lips puckered out and looking really cute. "Can I ask you a big favor?"
Oh shit, I know what this is about. "What?", I say in that tone. "Will you go to CVS and get me something?" I know what she wants, I know what she needs. Her damn Misty Menthol coffin nails.
Never mind how aggravated I was about her timing. I could tell by the look in her eyes, she had gone too long without a fix. She was jonesing for a smoke, so I did what every husband does, I played my hand. I rubbed my hands together and said to myself in my best guttural evil villain voice, "heh heh heh heh excellent!"
Never mind how aggravated I was about her timing. I could tell by the look in her eyes, she had gone too long without a fix. She was jonesing for a smoke, so I did what every husband does, I played my hand. I rubbed my hands together and said to myself in my best guttural evil villain voice, "heh heh heh heh excellent!"
Let the negotiations begin, I parlayed my advantage just as any old pervert would.
Later we made the drive to Plainfield and got Jojo's Christmas present.
Hmmm maybe I shouldn't show her how to load it till tomorrow morning. Heh heh heh heh.
2 comments:
Ewwww. I hope this isn't referring to what I think it does.
Heh heh heh heh heh
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