Friday, October 31, 2014

THE VOTING DEAD


I suppose it was just a matter of time.
They say the disease originated in Chicago. No one knows what triggered the mutation that made the virus jump from a local problem to full on pandemic zombie voting apocalypse.

It was about 5 years ago when I saw the first sign of attempted zombie voting in my area. I was living in Indianapolis 4 hours south of Chicago when a voter registration card addressed to the previous owner of the home I was living in arrived in my mail. She had been in the grave many years and now I was to bear witness to the horror of her rising from the grave and stagger her way to the polls.

The Zombie Party has multiplied exponentially since then. The CDC has proven just as competent in dealing with this crisis as you might expect from any 3 letter acronym the Obama administration misuses for his own perverse power grab.

The Zombie Party is fueled by pure desperation this voting cycle and the "dead/voters" will be out in force on Tuesday. 
As with the AMC hit " The Walking Dead", the leftist "dead/voters", will not be stopped just because they are brain dead. Although the "walkers" from The Walking Dead can be exterminated if you destroy their brain, the "dead/voters" can only be stopped with Voter ID laws.

You can judge the effectiveness of Voter ID laws from the wailing and gurgling sounds emanating from the shuffling masses of rotting flesh as they randomly stagger and bump into walls looking for voting booths that will accept their fraudulent ballots.

Happy Halloween!

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

LIFE ON EIGHT WHEELS

Winter is approaching fast. My preparation for it is vastly different this year.
My checklist expands and contracts on a daily basis. I need my checklist nowadays, I need one just going to the IGA for more than two items. Moving my existence 1100 miles south for 3 months will demand the mother of all checklists.
I never envisioned I would be living this vagabond life at his time, in this manner, with so few strings holding me down. And I could not be more happy how things have turned out.
Serendipity has been redefined. Do I deserve it? No. Am I going to take full advantage of the crazy shit that has brought me to this junction in my stupid little life? What do you think? 

My 5 months of living "up the hill" on this incredible 15,000 acres of "my park" has been the happiest time of my 59 years of life on this batshit crazy ball of dirt spinning around the universe.
I have become friends with some of the best people on Earth up here on the hill. I have made some contributions that have been acknowledged by these "best people on Earth". 
If that sounds arrogant you will forgive me as I admit that no I did not cure cancer, no, it did not stop Ebola from migrating to the U.S.
What I did do was, haul horseshit, pick up trash along side of the road, repair everything from 35 year old refrigerators and airconditioners, dump trucks, tractors, mowers, appliances, use native cut lumber to side a solar kiln, drive tractors on perilous overlooks to kill all manner of invasive weeds, pull shifts of Security detail to ensure the sanctity on my park.
Yes boys and girls I have done it all and no one has tried to force me to sell one damned maintenance agreement to the customer!

This is the Fall destination not only for folks of this state but I have seen license plates from all around.
It is beautiful here.
I walk out the drive that connects the Service Area of the park which happens to be where me and my camper reside and there are 3 amazing overlooks that beckon my attention every day. There are beers to drink and thoughts to ponder there. Sunrises to admire when I cannot sleep and sunsets down the road that are worth the hike.

It will be difficult to leave my new home in a little over 2 months though I have been assured that I amwelcome  to stay and welcome to return.

It has been an extremely rewarding 5 months here and sitting in my little camper as I write this, I stare at the back wall. That wall opens up! This is a toy hauler travel trailer, the couch and table fold away and the cargo door opens and my bike will roll up and be straped in.
My time in Fort Myers will be devided up in segments of working at the beautiful Koreshan State Park, hanging out with baby sis and my bro in law and best friend, riding my bike down to the Keys and camping in all points in between.

I am in a very good place right now but I know that life can turn on a dime.
I just hope it waits a little while.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

EBOLA? NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT HERE FOLKS, MOVE ALONG

They keep telling us not to worry, just wash your hands and don't swap spit with West Africans for 21 days and you'll be fine.
Another health care working has been diagnosed with this desease from hell.
Here in the U.S.
Contracted in the U.S.
Now if health care workers who should be up to speed on he proper precedures keep getting Ebola, what are we missing here?
Another case of politics mingling with infectious desease.
Move along folks, keep moving.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

FROM NASHVILLE TO NASHVILLE

Heading down south this weekend. Leaving my leaving my little redneck paradise here in Nashville Indiana to hang with family down to the big Nashville in one of my favorite states Tennessee.
I thought I might leave a bit early and do some recon for my first winter migration after Christmas.
I usually make the drive to Florida in one day. No way I want to do that hauling my home and two vehicles. I plan on taking my time and enjoying my migratory flight knowing when my ass gets tired all I have to do is find a safe rest or truck stop, pull over, climb out of my truck and getting in the camper for a comfortable snooze. I will have as my roomie my Honda Shadow to keep me company.  I can't think of better lodging. Thanks to my baby sis, the real estate mogul Rita, my rental house is sold and will be but a distant memory. I will miss the park where I now reside, but am assured that I will be welcomed back next spring. I will miss my little lake getaway a mere15 minutes from here but I know it will welcome me back next spring as well.

At the risk of throwing my rotator cuff out from patting myself on the back I feel like I have proven myself to the good folk that run this incredible park. It's been a balancing act of not trying to ruffle feathers at he same time trying to show off my mad skills of doing a lot with a little.
It feels really great to be appreciated, something that was sorely lacking at the mega company I retired from. And it feels great to have my tools here and to be able to build things and repair things as needed.

I didn't start this post off as an ego boosting self promoting ponderous prose. It just kinda took on a life of its own. I guess I just can't help but be greatful for the bizarre turn of events my life took in the last few years that brought me to the summit of the highest point of my life.
I now reside at the highest point in southern Indiana, some 1058 feet above sea level.
How I got here was serendipity on acid. If I sound like I'm bragging I have nothing to brag about. It's just one on those "shit happens" things. The only thing I will take credit for is being so damn stubborn that when the shit happens and some big foot stomps on my anthill, I piss and moan about it for about a day then get back to the work and start the process of rebuilding my meager anthill once again.
It's a tremendous help having a family that backs you up on this mission and I have one of the very best!

Well ok, I guess I'm done here, two beers and a Long Island ice tea have taken their toll and I have rambled on long enough. Don't know why I wrote what I just wrote and I won't even go through the anal retentive attempt of proof reading I usually attempt.
Guess I just got the warm fuzzies and am in a very good place right now.
Even the horrific news headlines can bring me down at this moment.
Like Ebola knocking at our door, or ISIS or ISIL, or the stock market going to shit, of they forgot to bring our girls back #, or the president using the Constitiution as toilet paper, or the cost of fuel to haul my camper down to Florida, or ............????

Wait,what the hell was I grinning about a second ago?


Tuesday, September 23, 2014

LERNER Vs DAHMER



So Lois Lerner's latest claim is that she is not as bad as Jeffery Dahmer.
Wow, that is a bold statement. Given her track record with the truth I decided to evaluate the evidence and make my own judgment. 
Hmmmm let's see............

Well I don't have any firm evidence but judging from her gaunt look and snooty attitude I would swear Lois Lerner is a Vegan.
Lois Lerner probably a Vegan, bad!

Jeffery Dahmer, a definite meat eater.
Jeffery Dahmer meat eater, good!

Jeffery Dahmer did some very bad things, but Jeffery Dahmer was sent to prison and paid for his crimes. He was even beaten to death by another inmate with a broom handle.
Jeffery Dahmer paying his debt to society and getting beaten to death with a broom stick, 
Very good!

Lois Lerner despite being beaten in the face with an ugly stick, survived the attack and seeing how her co-conspirators are in the White House and running the DOJ she will never see the inside of a prison.
Lois Lerner not paying her debt to society and surviving an ugly stick attack,
Very bad!

Jeffery Dahmer was a homosexual, being that it is fashionable to be politically correct, homosexually is very good. Granted Jeffry Dahmer was a homosexual that ate other homosexuals (not the good kind of ate)  I can't give Jeff a very good on that. Cannibalism mitigates it somewhat so.
Jeffery Dahmer was a homosexual, with an * for the cannibalism thing = good!

According to Wikipedia Jeffery Dahmer was "a keen tennis player".
Jeffery Dahmer being called a keen tennis player, good!

Lois Lerner was not listed by Wikipedia as a keen tennis player.
Lois Lerner probably not a keen tennis player, bad.

Lois Lerner worked for the IRS.
Lois Lerner worked for the IRS, very bad!

So there you have it.
Lois Lerner scored 2 bads and 2 very bads.
Jeffery Dahmer score was 3 goods and 1 very good.
That means Lois Lerner's claim that she is not as bad as Jeffry Dahmer is unfounded.
By my calculations Lois Lerner's is 11 times worse than Jeffery Dahmer.

Bad pick Lois, care to try any other ultra sinister figures from history? You could try digging up Adolf Hitler. Let's see how you do against him.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

THEY CALL ME MELLOW YELLOW

Joe rattled my chain again.
I don't know why even in my semi-retired state it seems like I can't find the time to write anything. It's not like Obama's antics aren't still perfect fodder for prose.
Life in the park and at my little lake shack has tempered my pen full of bitter ink, but here goes nothing anyway and I do mean nothing. Joe be careful what you ask for. I fear all you have done is awaken a sleeping giant jackass.

This summer has swept by like an Obama appointee dodging another scandal. The good part about that is getting loose ends taken care of in advance of my winter escape for the frozen tundra that is the Indiana winter weather.
Obama has been so successful in his attempt to save the planet from Global Warming that now the Earth is too cold! He needs to dial his efforts back a bit so that the Great Lakes don't totally freeze over again and Indiana winters aren't like Wisconsin.

One huge weight off my shoulders was getting rid of my rental house. Thanks to baby sis Rita, the up and coming real estate mogul, my house sold in 11 days and I got a really fair price for it! We closed on it last Thursday then went out and partied like rock stars.
I can only hope that my semi-retired state continues to be this good. I love my work at the park and living in the camper up on top of the hill there agrees with me as does staying here at the lake a short and beautiful 15 minute drive to the north.
About the lake shack/cabin/shed, I'm sure Al Gore would not be pleased to hear I'm no longer totally off the grid here. Yes Al I still do have the 12 volt system powered by batteries charged by solar panels. But as of last week I also have a hundred amps of magnificent whirling electrons whooshing to and fro in my cabin thanks to the good folks of REMC.
Getting on the grid is a real game changer here and will enable me to make this more of a home and less like a Unabomber hideout.
I'm still a little light in the Internet department but at least I do have some slower than I like free Wifi in the building next to where I park my camper.
I'm not sure how I can steal some Wifi when I get to Fort Myers but at least I will be able to steal some great food from baby sis! Glad she likes to cook!

As for tending to my meager blog I need to get more irate and deranged about the comings and goings in this crazy world we inhabit. I'm afraid my contentment has rendered me too mellow for my own good. It's like the episode of Star Trek when Kirk got split in half. One Kirk was all ISIS like and the other Kirk turned into a big pussy.
By the end of that episode Kirk learned that without the badass side of his personality his pussy side was as useless and inept as @$&&@&.
Pussy Kirk tracked down his Al queda self and held him tightly as he consoled himself telling badass Kirk that the two halves needed to be recombined to be a fully functional Star Fleet Captian.
So you see that there is a downside to living a simple but stress free life like I'm doing now. It's difficult for me to get worked up about things that I need to vent them on this blog. I guess my happy-with-life pussy side needs to find a way to hug it out with my old formally overworked, chronically divorced, grumpy landlord self.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

AHHHHHHH YAWNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Yes Joe, it lives! Be carfule what you wish for. All you have done is awaken a sleeping giant jackass.
I shall return,