WEEKEND ENVIORNMENTALIST

Well Mister Gore you have finally convinced me your green way is the right way. This epiphany didn't come to me over night, my metamorphous happened gradually over this summer. Until now I was environmentally challenged. I used to spend every weekend at home laying on the couch drinking Coors Lite and watching NASCAR, or sitting on the patio watching the sprinkler waste a valuable natural resource keeping my lawn green all the while the AC running full bore.

Now since we have the lake lot I am a changed man. We built a small fishing cabin where we spend every weekend. We can't hook up to the power or water supply so I had to improvise. I wired up a 12-volt electrical system with low voltage lighting and 12-volt power outlets for charging cell phones and running small fans to cool off at night instead of running power hungry AC systems. For water I have a 55 gallon barrel in the loft with a gravity fed plumbing system for the inside sink and an outside non-heated shower.
I have even built a porta potty room with his and her funnel urinals that drain outside to a dry well. Number 2 has a separate seat that is bagged up and disposed of in an environmentally sound manner, (I throw it away at the nearest truck stop on the way home).
Jojo made fun of the hillbilly head till we started staying the weekends and she realized how convenient it was using the indoor potty instead of going outside in the middle of the night and popping a squat in the middle of the dark and spooky old woods.

Mister Gore my carbon footprint is so small the numbers could hide behind the GDP of Obama's economy (barely).
The living quarters, although not spacious has room for the small restroom, kitchenette, futon that folds out to a reasonable comfortable bed. It also has a loft big enough to sleep two adults or four grandkids. All this in 120 square foot!
What do you think Al, pretty impressive huh?
By the way how big is your place?
Ten? Ten square feet?
No? A hundred square feet?
No?  A thousand square feet?
Oh, TEN THOUSAND SQUARE FEET!
Your new business venture? Carbon payoffs??
Oh, carbon tradeoffs you say. Hmmm.
How does this all work? Yeah, uh huh, yeah, I think I'm getting it. Ok so what it all boils down to is, fat cats like you and all the other environmental honchos get to keep your opulent life style, while I live here in my 120 square foot squalor. And you environmentalist hypocritical wackos preach to the rest of us how we need to cut back, pay more, lower our expectations and live like good little proletariats.
And the best part is you get to run this shell game you call carbon tradeoffs and get even richer off this scam so you can buy bigger mansions, longer boats and faster airplanes?
Ok, I get it, hmmm let me do a little math here.
Uhhh, one plus four, carry the two, one ott, minus the two, carry the four, ott ott.
Let's see Mister Gore, I want to help you in your venture and cut out the middleman.  Since we have such a disparity in our carbon footprints you can just send your bullshit carbon tradeoff money to me directly. I think a couple of million to start off sounds fair. No check please, I don't even want cash.

I'll settle for gold!