Thursday, July 28, 2011

DAMN THE NEIGHBOR AND DAM THE LUCK


"I spent 2 years in Iraq and I'm a war hero, but the National Guard says I can't get a security clearance and I'm not fit to carry a rifle? They wanted to make me a cook." Hank FM as we named him a couple of weeks ago continues,"that recruiter was just jealous of my record, I got 2 years in Iraq (yeah Hank we know) and I got 2 AIM's and (unintelligible) and a Good Conduct metal, (we called those metals "existence badges" when I was in) and I done more in 4 years then he's done in his whole life".
And so goes the early morning drunken monolog of the guy renting the lake house next to our lot. When I say early morning, I am not talking about your typical drunk hours of 3 or 4 AM. I am talking about a meth-fueled drunk from 5:30 AM to 8:30 AM.
As I sit in the front of our fishing cabin listening to this Fu***** Moron piss and moan to the whole lake, I watch our lake turning into a mud puddle. My dock that I built 2 weeks ago should be about 1 foot above the lake at it's highest mark, is now completely out of the water. I should have waited to build the damn thing; it would have been a hell of a lot easier to build it in the dry.

The reason for the lakes disappearing act has nothing to do with heat. It seem that the overflow at the damn dam has been comprised. Not sure how much lower it's going to drop, but I could still hear water gushing out before we left this morning.
I know it will have to get to its lowest level before it can be repaired and even after that it probably won't refill till next spring.
Back to Hank FM, apparently he thinks he is still in Iraq. Him and his buddies fill the serene country air with the smell of cordite and the sound of their AK's about every other weekend.
As I sat talking with a buddy that had come down with his wife, I could hear the unmistakable sound of multiple clips being loaded next door. Now don't get me wrong, I love guns and I am a second amendment guy, as a matter of fact when camping, I sleep with Jojo on one side and a locked and loaded Taurus 9mm on the other side. Having said that, the thought of a drunken Hank FM with a weapon of mass destruction in his hands is a bit disconcerting. Also it is against the covenants of the lake association.
So after several dozen rounds, a car drives up in front of our properties and some irate women who took exception to the lake being turned into Apocalypse Now, started screaming her head off saying that this was private property and shooting is against the covenants and the cops were on their way.
The funny thing was, she was looking down our way and my buddy said she was looking right at him! He got up and asked, "are you talking to me?” Before we could explain to the dumbass that we weren't the ones shooting, she hauled ass. All I had in my hands was a cold can of Coors and she could clearly hear the continuing gunfire to the south of us, the jackass was blaming us!
So I go into the woods hollering, "cease fire! Cease fire!" I told Hank about the irate lady, he said no problem and they ended their little war and all was quiet, for now. Later a local cop pays me a visit and I explained everything, he went over and talked to Hank FM and all was cool, the truce did not last however. After about 15 minutes the firefight resumed.
Later that night I was lamenting about the absence of our lake and our serenity. Jojo said, "its not that bad, they are good for entertainment, like watching Cops"
I got to thinking, they are just renting the place and this is not their home state. Hank FM doesn't work, so he can do that anywhere. Maybe they will go back from whence they came and that problem will go away. The lake will continue to ebb away and then it can be repaired and paradise will be restored.
If the association doesn't fix it, I will hit the drainpipe with 10 bags of concrete and plug the dam hole myself in the middle of the night.

I'll just go to the local hardware store and say, " hey, where can I get some dam concrete!"

P.S. after I wrote this blog, I got a letter from the Association. It informed me they were draining the lake to dredge it out. that would have been good information to have BEFORE I built the damn dock in the water. I will use the opportunity to make improvements after it all dries out since they won't be starting the work until fall, so I have plenty of time.

2 comments:

Rita said...

So is Hank the same idiot that owned Tank, the scary-looking dog that was so gun shy he climbed into our car because I didn't tell our grandson to close the door soon enough?

I know the look of a gun shy dog well and I know they will go ANYWHERE to feel safe. Remember how afraid Rebel was? He would go through the closed screened door to get away from it. I always thought it ironic that Rebel was actually killed by a gun shot.

THINGS YOU'D NEVER GUESS ABOUT ME said...

I hauled my .357 Colt to Florida from Indiana and have decided it's getting too damn heavy for an old woman...and Florida won't let a person target practice (unless you live in Tampa, then citizens are considered targets)

So, I was hoping for a small Beretta or a small Glock...then I saw: Taurus 9mm...and started slobbering.

Damn. I miss living where guns are as cherished as my concealed weapons permit.

WHERE are you? Indiana I bet!