FANCY FEAST

HE SAID: SHE SAID #4

Alley Cat: hi Puss n Boots, watcha doin?
Puss n Boots: oh, hi Alley Cat, just havin a little snack”. "Snack? We don't get snacks around here, unless we catch a damn mouse or something!" Well I must be a favorite I guess cause one of them just gave me a snack" Which one ?!!" Inquired Alley Cat. "The runt” said Puss n Boots,” the one they call Little Rita"

"So what kind of treat did she give you? A dead chipmunk"? "No it was a little slice of people toe". "No shit? Wonder where the hell she got that". "She sliced it off her own paw, she must really like me! She came running by and I was sitting here looking all cute and all and she just stepped on this funny looking squarey metally thing and just cut me off a slice of people toe. Wasn't that nice of her"? "That's called a metal drawer” said Alley Cat  “Big Daddy leaves stuff like that out after he works on a kitty-smasher". "Big Daddy"? "You know, the one who drove his kitty-smasher into the big poop ditch that the boy had dug, but never used, he called it a pool".

Narrator: Yeah I took a little poetic license to tell the "Oh Dear Toe" incident from the viewpoint of the only other witness to the event. I just remember hearing the blood-curdling scream. I ran to Rita to see the cool blood, when I looked down at her toe and realized the bottom of her big toe was missing. I had never seen such a sight and damned near passed out.

Dad had left some metal part drawers out in front of the garage and Rita was running barefoot and caught the edge of it with her big toe and cleanly sliced off the kitty treat.
Getting cuts on your feet was not unusual when we were kids because in the summer we hardly ever wore shoes. We played in the creek next to our house and there lots of broken glass there just waiting to slice a kids foot. Being barefoot kids did have it's plus though. One of the most fun things to do was to go tromping through our field after a summer rain and see how far you could sink in the mud. I still remember the feeling of the warm mud squishing between my toes.

By the end of summer the soles of our feet were tough as leather, but they were no match for glass or the sharp metal edge of a parts drawer. Rita paid the price in a big way. Going through painful skin graft surgery and walking around on a piece of her stomach for the rest of her life. Until then the worst thing you could do was stubbing your big toe, then restubbing it when it was scabbed over. I don’t know exactly why, but toe stubbing seems to be a malady of childhood. I have had many injuries from my teens up until now, but not one toe-stubbing incident since I was a kid. I guess sometime between late childhood and early teens, you stop and ask yourself,” why the hell am I running everywhere I go? Slow down, especially when I got no shoes on.”

 Even though Rita was my nemesis I still felt horrible about her being in the hospital and going through all she had to endure. There was an armistice between us that lasted at least a couple of weeks after her injury.

Alley Cat: so tell me Puss, what does people toe taste like?
Puss n Boots: do you remember the chicken holocaust?”
"Are you talking about the day when Big Daddy pulled the heads off all the chickens and the kids laughed while the headless chicks danced around then later the kids took chickens out of the boiling tub of water and pulled the feathers out and while they were busy doing that we chewed on the chicken heads"?
"Yeah, people toe tastes just like that". "No shit"? "Yeah, they taste just like chicken"

To read the She Said version go here.http://ihavearighttospeaktoo.blogspot.com/