LIVIN AS A LEFTY

Last year when I had my rotator cuff surgery on my left shoulder it was very inconvenient trying to do every day things with just one arm. I kept thinking "well at least I'm right handed". With my upcoming rotator cuff surgery on my right shoulder I will have to depend on my left hand to learn some new tricks.  I have worked with both my hands all my life, but there are some things that the left hand just has never tried, or not been very good at.

  When I was a young man, I was always proud of the fact that the left hand was naturally adept at undoing a 3 hook bra with the reach around move. Of course the right hand was a little better at this move, but sometimes the right hand had other responsibilities.  Sad to say that these days, the left hand has been semi-retired, at least from that move. Since finding out that the right arm will be shutting down for the next few months, I have been giving the left hand some new responcibilities.  It started this morning with my every morning ritual in the bathroom.

 I know what your thinking "ewwwwww" and you are probably wondering which of the 2 possibilities I am referring to. I have too much class to say which it is, but given that fact that I'm almost 57 years old you can probably take an educated guess which ritual I'm talking about.  Suffice it to say that this was a foreign operation for the left hand and so much more training is needed.  Heard from the surgery scheduler Friday and it looks like I have plenty of time to train the left hand, surgery won't be for another month!  I guess  the Docs business is booming.

   At least I can count on the left hand to open a can of beer and work the remote and I do most of my typing with my IPhone now, so you can expect my mundane blog to continue.

REST IN PEACE DICK CLARK

REST IN PEACE DICK CLARK

I was making my new favorite, grilled meatloaf and running between the patio grill and the kitchen when the lead news story grabbed my attention. 
They started the broadcast talking about the America music
 icon Dick Clark. 
You instantly know when they do that it means he has past. 
I said to myself, "aww man no, not Dick Clark". 

As they ran down his list of accomplishments, I couldn't help but remember watching his appearance on the first New Years broadcast just after his debilitating stroke. It was heartbreaking watching him struggle to get the words out, but I thought he showed tremendous courage doing that. 
I remember watching American Bandstand so many years ago and thinking what a likable guy he was. I can't remember ever hearing one negative thing about him. 
He was a guy who never seemed to age. 
Dick Clark may have been on this Earth 82 years, but he will always be remembered as the worlds oldest teenager. 

WHAT'S WORSE THAN HAVING ROTATOR CUFF SURGERY ON YOUR LEFT SHOULDER?

Having rotator cuff surgery on your right shoulder !

Got the wonderful news this morning from the surgeon who worked on my left shoulder last year.

Looks like I will be spending the summer in a sling.

Oh well, enough pissing and moaning.  I was sulking just long enough to remember that at least I will have use of my right arm 6 months from now.

There are untold numbers of men and women returning from the armed services who don’t share my light at the end of the tunnel.

They are the ones who deserve the our prayers.

I THINK I NEED TO START A SECOND BLOG

I just need to come up with a catchy name for it that pertains to the subject matter that will define the new blog

FROM HERE TO RECOVERY

THE EDGE OF KNIFE

THE AGONY AND THE THERAPY

You get the idea.
Whatever the new title, this new blog will delve into the amazing world of screwing up a body part and take you through the quagmire of medical forms,
endless doctor visits, MRI's, operations, recovery and therapy.
Not really going to add another blog, I barely can come up with enough crap for this one.
Over the past few years I've learned more about medical procedures than I ever wanted to know. I had an MRI on my right shoulder last Thursday and have an appointment this Wednesday with the same orthopedic surgeon who did my left rotator cuff surgery. I'm hoping he has a different option other than surgery, but I don't hold out much hope for that.
The rotator cuff surgery was rough, it was a lot worse than the cervical spinal fusion I went through.
Being right handed isn't going to help matters. I can't imagine life as a lefty for the next few months.
My fishing buddy and doctor gave me a new nickname, "Ortho Mark". Funny guy!
At least Obamacare isn't in full swing, if it was I'm sure the death panel would have to review my case. With my track record I'm sure they would come to the conclusion that I'm not a good investment and recommend I be turned into Soylent Green.

I REALLY LIKE PIZZA

Nothing important to say. I just wanted to report that my binge is officially over as of today. This is the first day since Tuesday that I did not have pizza.

Monday:

When I got back in town from Atlanta and Louisville, I was going to order a pizza but I waited too late to order and they said they were not delivering anymore for the night.

I had imbibed a few beers so I thought it not wise to drive and pick one up.

But I really really wanted a pizza that night.

Tuesday:

I ordered a medium deep dish Sicilian with sausage, pepperoni, green peppers, onion and plenty of extra sauce, extra sausage and extra cheese.

I was so good I ate the whole damn thing.

The next morning I felt bad for being such a glutton I promised myself I would start back on my diet and stay away from the pizza speed dial button on my phone.

Wednesday:

I ordered a medium deep dish Sicilian with sausage, pepperoni, green peppers, onion and plenty of extra sauce, extra sausage and extra cheese.

I was so good I ate the whole damn thing.

The next morning I felt bad for being such a glutton I promised myself I would start back on my diet and stay away from the pizza speed dial button on my phone.

Thursday:

It was boy’s night out so I ate pizza again. A lot of pizza.

The next morning I felt bad for being such a glutton I promised myself I would start back on my diet and stay away from the pizza speed dial button on my phone.

Friday:

I ordered a medium deep dish Sicilian with sausage, pepperoni, green peppers, onion and plenty of extra sauce, extra sausage and extra cheese.

I was so good I ate the whole damn thing.

The next morning I felt bad for being such a glutton I promised myself I would start back on my diet and stay away from the pizza speed dial button on my phone.

Saturday:

Jojo came home from Florida and my daughter and her husband came over with my grandson for a visit.

I know how much my daughter really loves pizza so.

I ordered a LARGE deep dish Sicilian with sausage, pepperoni, green peppers, onion and plenty of extra sauce, extra sausage and extra cheese.

I was so good we ate the whole damn thing.

The next morning I felt bad for being such a glutton I promised myself I would start back on my diet and stay away from the pizza speed dial button on my phone.

Sunday:

For dinner I had a grilled piece of chicken.

It’s 11:40 pm and Jojo just went to bed.

Man pizza really sounds good right now.

THE AUDACITY OF NOPE

I pull up to the gas pump, get out of the Jimmy and begin the painful process of converting debit into propulsion.
 I watch as the digits representing tenths of gallons click by at their normal rate while the digits that represent dollars being sucked out of my account zoom by with the speed and dexterity
of bullshit flying out of the mouth of the Socialist-in-Cheif.

I start muttering a string of obscenities with Bozama's image burning in my brain.
His latest campaigning mantra does nothing to quell my anger.
Imagine the audacity of this guy standing in front of his taxpayer supplied campaign podium, spewing this new lie that under his administration oil production is at an 8 year high.
Now to the untrained ear that might sound like maybe Obama is not declaring war on our county's energy needs after all

Ahhhh not so fast there Barack Hussain Obama mmmmm mmmm mmmm.
You say " under my administration oil production has increased".  By stating it that way you are implying that are responsible for the increase, that you are in support of that increase and you want people like me who are standing in front of the gas pumps getting our bank accounts getting sucked dry to believe you are NOT responsible for high gas prices.
May I respectfully say to you and your henchmen,
 B U L L S H I T ! ! !

Did you think no one would notice that the increase is on private land, not government land.
And the approvals for drilling were done before you took office, did you think you were going to slip that one by us?
What about the fast one you tried to pull by not mentioning that production of oil and natural gas has decreased in the fiscal year of 2011?
Do you really think this attempted sub-diffusion would make us forget that you are in bed with the radical environmentalist wacho's as much as you are with the union thugs?

The sad truth is your "if you can't dazzle them with your brilliance, then blind them with your bullshit" tactic may work with the majority of people that get their information from your propaganda machine otherwise known as the mainstream media.

For the people who rely on the leftist media for their worldview,  they will not hear or read a word about you circumventing the constitution by giving the EPA the governing authority meant for the Legislative arm of the government.
It's a real pisser when little things like the constitution gets in his way.

Facts are troublesome things for Obama and the fact is he said nope to the main portion of the Keystone Pipeline.
He said nope to easing regulations for adding refineries which are desperately needed in this country.
He said nope to drilling permits for the most productive sites in the gulf.
Another egregious lie that Obama is spewing, he says that even if we drilled every square inch of this country we would still have only 2, 3, or 4 percent of the worlds oil supply.
This is a common theme with the radical left, they never let facts get in the way.

Hey Obama, don't quit your day job, geology is not your thing.

On second thought go ahead and do us all a favor, quit your day job!

LOCATION LOCATION DIS-LOCATION

Probably one of the most ballsy-ist things I've ever seen on a basketball court. Way back in 19?? During the wainimg period of the IU Hurryin Hoosiers heyday. I was watching an IU game and IU's sharpshooter Brian Evans took a hard hit mostly on his already injured right shoulder and dislocated it.

The baby-faced warrior stood up, in excruciating pain, with his shoulder drooping down, the crowd felt his pain. Damon Bailey looked to the bench for help for Brian, just then Brian grabs his right arm and with a violent jerk and an obvious pop, he snaps his own shoulder back into its socket. Damon witnessing Brian's self-induced medical procedure was unfazed. He turned back to the bench and waved off the medical team with a "it's ok, Brian's got it" look.
Damon might have been unfazed, but crowd was fazed as hell.
Even me and the rest of the TV viewers were fazing our collective asses off. The guy didn't even come out of the game!
Balls big big balls.

Damon's look of unconcern about the injury and self healing of Brian Evans was not from a lack of caring or compassion for his teammate. It was because he knew Brian Evans may look baby-faced and a little fragile, but inside the 6'8" kid there was a Larry Bird like man-beast with heart that a lot of NBA ers will never have and a kid who did not understand the word quit.

Brian and his shoulder came to mind the other night as I stood shirtless in front of the mirror studying a large knot atop my right shoulder. No, standing shirtless in front of a mirror admiring my Adonis like body is not a regular ritual of mine.

My phone had rang earlier that day with that ominous tone that you hear right before Neo starts kicking the shit out of some agent in the Matrix movie.
I picked the ringtone for my son because more often than not, when he calls me, there's a shit storm moving in and I, like Neo will soon be fending off agents with blazing slo-motion lightning speed. Yeah, my son was a lot like me back in the day.

Today's catastrophe, he wrecked the truck that he just recently got from his grandmother.
He rear-ended someone and he buckled the hood, bent the core support which jammed the radiator back into the belt and also jammed the fender back into the drivers door.

I had him arrange towing to my house to see if I could work some magic and make it drivable once more.
When it was delivered it was not as bad as I thought, but would still require a lot of work to get the buckled core support close to where it belonged and make the hood unlatch and fix the headlight assembly. I worked at a body shop as a kid and used to do body work on my old jalopies but my skills and auto body repair tools are severally limited these days.
I did know where to start however, the core support which has the radiator bolted to it had the radiator pushed into the serpentine belt and it was shredding it.  I attached 2 come-a-longs (hand wenches) to the core support and the other ends to my Jimmy for anchor and started cranking the hand levers of the wenches.
With a lot of effort the core support came back close to its original position so I took it a little past that point then began the process to release the wenches.
I had my right hand on the biggest wench lever and had taken the tension off the cable to release the locking levers.
I had a lot of tension on the wench handle with my right hand, just then I felt a sickening pop in my shoulder and lost all the strength in it and the handle took my arm and shoulder for a brief but even more painful ride to the left of my body.


I buckled in pain and sat there grinding my teeth and cussing myself for not getting into a better position that would have prevented this injury.
After 5 minutes the agony subsided into a nice dull throbbing ache and I finished the repair with 1 and a half arms. I was not going to tell Jojo about this, you see, she thinks I'm accident prone and I didn't want to add fuel to the fire.
I went the rest of the day masking the fact that I couldn't raise my right arm above my waist. I figured it would be ok in a day or 2 and right arms are over-rated anyhow.
When I was getting ready for bed I was looking at myself shirtless in front of a mirror (I'm not really vain). That's when I saw a big lump on top of my shoulder right where the pain was. Uhhhhh not good, looked like a dislocation to me. I sat there on the bed thinking W W B D. or what would Brian do?
I was you-tubing my mind trying to remember his technique for relocating his shoulder. Hey, and remember Mel Gibson in the movie Lethal Weapon when he purposely dislocated his shoulder to escape the underwater straight jacket. Then he rammed his shoulder in the wall to pop it back in?
Of the 2 methods I had floating around in the synapse of my brain, Brian's method was probably the better choice.
Then I snapped back into reality, there's no way I would have the cohonies to try either. But the fact that it even occurred to me is testament of how much I didn't want to tell Jojo and see those rolling eyes and hear my full name being muttered from a shaking head.
At that point I had no choice but to tell her and deal with the castigation. It didn't help that just 2 days earlier I had busted my head open trying to help my step-son get a lawnmower out of the shed.

I went to the ER the next morning and X-rays showed no broken or disjointed bones. The knot was a hemotoma over the possibly injured area, so here I am sitting in Indy Ortho's waiting room to see the surgeon who fixed my left shoulder last year.
I don't know what he will say, but I know I sure as hell don't want to go through rotator cuff surgery again.
It was like having someone twisting your arm behind your back to make you holler uncle and your hollerin uncle! uncle! But the son of a bitch keeps twistin!
Their coming for me now, I will let you know the outcome.

Well he sounded pretty optimistic that it was a tear in the A C ligament a Type III shoulder separation, and probably won't need surgery. Maybe all better in 2 to 3 weeks.
I'm relieved that I won't be hollerin uncle.

But Jojo still thinks I'm a klutz.