I GOT RAID AND SCONES TODAY

Checking out at Meijers today I wanted to text my bro to let him know I had just purchased bread and buns so he didn't buy them too.

I had thrown our half a loaf of moldy bread and a full pack of moldy buns the day before. Seems like we never get through a whole loaf anymore before it goes bad.

Since I had my hands full and I was on the move I thought I would try Talk To Text, on my Samsung Galaxy S4 so I hit the Google mic button and said "text Mike I got bread and buns today". 

I looked down at the phone and it was waiting for me to hit the send button, but when I looked at what Google thought I said I saw:

"I got raid and scones today"

Ok talk to text fail number 1:

I repeat into the Google mic once more, this time enunciating more clearly this time.

"I got bread and buns today" Galaxy S4 awaiting my approval I look down at the screen and saw, 

"I got brakes and gnomes today"

Aww shit! Now it's a quest and a pissing contest between me Samsung and Google.

I have a love hate relationship with modern technology, on one hand I spend a lot of time at the lake in a Ted Kaczynski sized fishing shed. 

I Like getting into the whole nature scene and living a scaled back and off the grid life down there with my 12 volt battery and gravity fed water systems.

On the flip side, this year I have added insulation, gas heater, solar panels and I now have my own Wifi hotspot through my new Verizon powered Samsung Galaxy S4 so I can use my IPad.

Kaczynski's rambling manifesto excoriated society's dependence on technology and he went on a long mail order terrorist tirade to make his "point".

Unabomber not-withstanding I have no digital ax to grind. I do see us all losing some of our human interaction to the 1's and 0's, or the 5 volts, 0 volts that make up our new form of communication however.

I mean not just the kids, I'm talking about us oldsters, my brother and sisters and even moms!

We will travel the dozens or hundred plus miles from all parts of Indiana and come together and sit there in a room with all of us peering into the warm glow of our collective IPads for crying out loud!

Oh well, I guess that's what we call progress isn't it?

Back to my story and the somewhat rambling point of all this, I tried one last time to "talk to text" even though I knew it would have been time saving to just call my brother or unleash my nimble thumbs and hand type the message that I clearly spoke, using my best mid-western accent, emphasizing the b's of bread and buns.

"I got bread and buns today!"

I looked down at the Googles interpretation and read:

"I got breast implants today"

Awwwww fuck it !

ABCESS OF MALICE

I know the literary world has been waiting with baited breath for my return. Well with a little prodding from baby sis here it is.

Alert the Pulitzer Committee!

Actually the need to vent has never been greater. I have been dealing abcess teeth for the last 4 or 5 months and this latest diet aid is one of the worst. I've had 4 root canals on two teeth and now I need another one, as soon as the swelling in the roof of my mouth goes away.

On the plus side I have never been in better shape in my life, other than the throbbing golf ball in my mouth.

In the past year I have lost and kept off over 55 lbs. I started eating healthy (most of the time) and I have had to buy some new clothes. 

In other news, I read somewhere today that those things that Obama is using to try and stop 90 plus year old WW2 vets from visiting open air monuments are no longer called barricades.

They are now known as "Barrycades".

Blocking off roadside vistas, closing down oceans. Something tells me this asshole spent a lot of time holding his breath and throwing hissy fits when he was a kid and didn't get his way.

His tactic of raining down the pain as much as possible should garner him plenty of negative press, if we had press instead of propaganda machines in this country.

The causation of the government shutdown being some Republicans trying to delay if not kill this debacle know derisively as Obamacare. Oh, and the Dems wanting to spend money we don't have to buy more votes.

It's very telling to me to hear Obama himself referring to the so called Affordable Care Act as Obamacare. The ego of this tool is mind boggling to me.  

I have been running options over in my mind about options I have for healthcare and had been toying with the idea that at some point maybe it is just not worth it and just say the hell with it, just go without insurance and see what happens.

Laying in bed last night with the tiny lump that has been on the roof of my mouth swelling to the size of a big fat grape (I took editorial license calling it a golf ball), I self diagnosed it to be some rare form of tooth cancer. I could just imagine going through something so horrible sans insurance card.

Imagine my relief when the X-ray showed I just had another little abcess.

I know that in the near future there will be a rationing of healthcare, there will be protocols to determine who gets what care, that is unless you are a member of the House, Senate or White House.

The rest of us Animal Farm residents will have to take a number.

He's hoping for a new position.

We were attempting to get a pose in front of his namesake. However CnC was a bit distracted by other tourists. 

If only we had gotten the picture when Mark got the next pony ride. 

Is ANYONE going to alert my brother his blog has been hijacked?

Great thinkers.

Hijacking a blog

If you, my dear brother do not stop ignoring your blog, I will begin posting really embarrassing pictures of you. 

In the meantime, here is one of my favorites of us in Italy.