Wednesday, February 29, 2012

IT'S ON ! 

The Honorable Judge Mark Martin ruled that he was dismissing the case against a muslim man who assaulted an atheist that was dressed up as a zombie Mohammed in a parade. The judge said the atheist had gone outside the bounds of the First Amendment.

When I read that statement a light went on. I'm going to track down the so-called artist who displayed a crucifix upside down in a jar of urine and beat the holy piss out of him.

Martin needs to stick to driving his race car, he makes a shitty judge.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

SERENDIPITY

 
Arson investigation completed:

This morning I got on the roof and began the arduous task of determining the cause of yesterday's fire.
The decades old metal triple wall flue is designed to look like a brick chimney.
When I got it apart, the cause and culprit became clear. Over the years we have had problems keeping birds and squirrels out of the fireplace. There was some chicken wire around the top opening but none around the opening just below it. The top opening is where the flue gasses are exhausted. The bottom opening just allows access to the box that surrounds the outside of the flue pipe. The chicken wire was in bad shape, that's how the critters were able to penetrate my perimeter.
I kept rigging up the wire to fend off the critters, but never worried about the other opening. The evil birds exploited this oversight and over the years made many nests and you can see from this picture looking at where the paint is scorched how thick the buildup of bird nest material was.



This was no creosote fire as I first suspected, this was a deliberated act of malice by many generations of evil dirty birds. When I got the fire going really hot, an ember must have gotten into the nest.


I was lucky to be outside when the square birds nest ignited as there was a lot of material left to burn. Dumping 2 buckets of water in the box put the fire out quickly. At the time I thought the fire was much lower down in the flue pipe itself. I was trying to get the water in the pipe where the fire wasn't. Due to the design, most of the water ended up in the box where the fire was. Serendipitous is what they call that.
This morning, I got it all the cleaned out and got some real heavy duty hardware screen and blocked access to both openings. When the weather breaks I'll find some better matching paint and it will look good as new.






 Jojo was nervous about me firing up the fireplace so I waited till she left and got a nice toasty fire going.
 



 The fortunate chain of events that kept this from being a total house fire, harkened me back to another serendipitous moment many years ago.

Way back when I lived out in the boonies of Morgan County we came home and I could hear water spraying in the crawlspace. I had used plastic polypropylene water pipe from the ground to the house. I had heat tape on the pipe and it had ignited close to the floor. When I got under the house I could see a burnt area of the underside of the house 4 foot in diameter. The fire had been going good and would have destroyed our home.
That's when serendipity came calling.
Because I had used plastic pipe instead of copper or iron, the fire melted a hole in the pipe and the water was spraying in a nice round pattern about 5 feet in diameter hitting the underside of the house perfectly covering the 4 foot area of burning wood.


I shut off the water supply and laid on my back staring up and the heavily scorched wood dripping with water and shook my head. We had just gotten home from church and could have come home to a pile of burning rubble.
Thank you serendipity!
 Of course I am being glib giving thanks to a pile of fortunate coincidences. I leave that to the atheists of the world. As I lay on my soaking wet back that day in my crawlspace, I gave thanks to God, like I did last night when I went to bed and reviewed the days events.

I thanked God that I happened to walk outside at the exact time the fire started.
I thanked God I had finally gotten my ladder back after several months of being AWOL. I thanked God I had a bucket handy.
Maybe I will give serendipity a little credit for the design of the flue pipe that forced me to pour the water in an area that I didn't intend, but where the fire actually was.
Ehhhhh, maybe not.  Thank you God for that bit of fortune too!

Saturday, February 25, 2012

FIRST RESPONDERS AT YOUR DOOR


Nice calm Saturday afternoon watching some racing and just relaxing. I go outside to fetch something and a strange odor has  me looking around for the source. The source?  My fireplace chimney. I had thrown some loose bark in there about 20 minutes earlier and apparently it got a little too hot. It must have gotten a creosote fire going because there were a few licks of fire coming out the side.

 As I was assessing the situation, the few licks became an infernal wrapped around the inner liner and it was burning the paint off the outer layer of the chimney. I tried to hook up the hose, of course the hose was frozen. Got a bucket out and put the ladder up and Jojo comes out to see what all the ruckus is about. I quickly get her up to speed and the fire is roaring now. "Should I call 911?", she asks. I am now calculating risk against embarrassment as the flames are growing. "Yeah you better" I surrendered. I got on the roof and began pouring water around the outer walls of the triple wall chimney and the white smoke poured out.
A few minutes later I heard the siren of Franklin Townships finest. Then another and another and a fourth one was on his way before he got called off.


They were walking in with axes in hand and I tried to assure them I had already checked the attic and saw no smoke. They checked with thermal cameras and we were all good. They squelched the flame in the fireplace and all thirty of us stood around and made sure the fire was out.

I try to keep the chimney from building up creosote by having regular high temp burnouts.
Looks like I need a new plan

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

FAREWELL TO KINGS

Neil Peart, the greatest drummer on the planet, penned these lyrics over 35 years ago.
I never believed in ESP before, but now I think the drummer from Rush is indeed psychic, how else could he describe Obama, his henchmen,  his Occupy Wall Street minions, his millions of idol worshippers and us for letting those seeds grow, so accurately ?


FAREWELL TO KINGS

When they turn the pages of history
When these days have passed long ago
Will they read of us with sadness
For the seeds that we let grow
We turned our gaze
From the castles in the distance
Eyes cast down
On the path of least resistance

Cities full of hatred
Fear and lies
Withered hearts
And cruel tormented eyes
Scheming demons
Dressed in kingly guise
Beating down the multitude
And scoffing at the wise





Sunday, February 19, 2012

YOU TUBE OF THE MIND PART 6

Some funny moments I have seen in years past popped into my cobwebbed memory the other day and I thought I should put them down on electronic paper while I still have some of my faculties left.

As usual, the blog got too wordy so I chopped it up into 6 segments. Most of these things happened before we all started carrying cameras in our phones so these events just exist in my rapidly diminishing mind. Don't know if you will get a chuckle out of any of these little snippets.
It's probably one of those things where you just had to be there.






Number 5. didn't make the cut, so I will finish up this waste of time with this.


You Shoulda Saw His Little Dinghy:

I saved my favorite for last, Rita will probably even remember this one. We were just kids so were talking mid-60's maybe. We were at some lake in southern Indiana having a cookout.
A man and his young son pulled up to the ramp with a tiny sailboat on top of his station wagon. We watched him struggle trying to get the boat down and it finally came down with a thud producing a nice dent on his hood.
Now there were more people watching this unfolding spectacle.

Now this was a big man and by that I mean he had a stomach that looked to be about the same size as the hull of his little sailboat. Hmmm, how is this going to work?
The big-bellied man and the little boy, who looked like he had been spared his father's genetics finally dragged the boat to the dock. Now given the size of the little sailboat and the size of the little boy it would have been safe to assume the little boy was going to take the maiden voyage, that didn’t happen. I guess the plan was for the dad to take the maiden voyage, get his sea legs and trim the sails, circle around and pick up the little boy and sail off into the sunset.

Now there were many more people watching this with wonderment. The dad takes off the XXXXL shirt exposing his huge investment of beer and pizza and climbs aboard.
The boat and the dock separated and in short order the man and boat separated. I have to give the guy credit, he hung in there, grasping at the capsized boat and trying to get back in belly first.
People were not just watching, now they were laughing a little, He yelled to the crowd " I don't need an audience!", oh yes you do! thought the audience.

He managed to insert his belly in the hull and it was a perfect fit add a little water for a good seal and you have a very fat man with his belly stuck in the hull of a tiny boat. Now he had a problem, he had floated away from the dock and he couldn't extract his gut from the boat and now he had attracted a huge crowd on the shore.
His son bravely jumped into the water clothes shoes and all to assist his floundering father. Finally with what sounded like a loud reverse fart his belly was freed.

Now it was pandemonium on the shore and the spectators were roaring with laughter, my dad was red-faced and not breathing and on the verge of stroking out he was laughing so hard, us kids thought this was better than The Three Stooges
My Aunt Rita got a before and after picture with her Polaroid.
The would be sailor tried a few more times to right his ship, but the Titanic had a better chance then this boat.
Finally ego bruised and big belly battered and red he gave up his dreams of a sea going adventure. He took his boat out of the water and was preparing to leave. My aunt actually gave him the pictures. I'm sure that made the family photo album.
I wish she had kept them, it would be fun to include them here. Video would have been much better.
 

I would have put any of these little memories on Youtube, the man and his dinghy may have even went viral, but those were the days before everyone had a video camera in their pocket. Those were the days even before the big clunky two-piece video cameras.
Maybe if Steve Jobs hadn't left this planet so soon he would have developed a device to pull those memories from our brain to be downloaded on something called the Imind.
I don't think I will ever see that day so I will have to be satisfied watching these  memories on my YouTube of the mind

Saturday, February 18, 2012

YOU TUBE OF THE MIND PART 4

Some funny moments I have seen in years past popped into my cobwebbed memory the other day and I thought I should put them down on electronic paper while I still have some of my faculties left.

As usual, the blog got too wordy so I chopped it up into 6 segments. Most of these things happened before we all started carrying cameras in our phones so these events just exist in my rapidly diminishing mind. Don't know if you will get a chuckle out of any of these little snippets.
It's probably one of those things where you just had to be there.




This Buds For You:

Back in the 70's we frequented a bar called the Benchmark Inn. Many crazy things occurred at this establishment, this perticular evening was my buddy Joe's (AKA Animal), night to shine. He got himself severly overserved, there were many empty mugs in front of him. He gets that look in his bleary eyes and you could tell he was gonna try for a refund on the beer. He leans over the table and I gave him plenty of room, I knew this would not be pretty.
What happened next was amazing. Joe was transformed before my very eyes into a human tapper. He expertly slid an empty mug under his mouth and filled the mug with just the right amount of beer and with a perfect head. He then slid another mug over and repeated the process. By now he not only had an audience, he had a cheering section.


After his third mug was filled the keg went dry.
Joe was so careful with his money we expected he would try to re-drink the recycled beers, as far as I can recall that didn't happen, but that would be the version that would be repeated for years to come.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

YOU TUBE OF THE MIND PART 3

Some funny moments I have seen in years past popped into my cobwebbed memory the other day and I thought I should put them down on electronic paper while I still have some of my faculties left.

As usual, the blog got too wordy so I chopped it up into 6 segments. Most of these things happened before we all started carrying cameras in our phones so these events just exist in my rapidly diminishing mind. Don't know if you will get a chuckle out of any of these little snippets.
It's probably one of those things where you just had to be there.



King Of The Road:

Back in the mid-80's I was heading south on SR 37 in the fast lane doing a little better than the speed limit when some asshole road rager flies up behind me like he was king of the road. I was going to get over, but before I could this idiot climbs on my bumper and starts waving me over even though the lane next to us was clear. Ok, now we are just going to have to play who owns this lane. I just ignored him and let him simmer.
He finally got the picture and sped around me in the other lane. We exchanged one finger pleasantries as the asshole went by, then I pulled over into the slow lane and watched him put the hammer down and and dissappear around the bend. A few seconds later my radar detector went off, I looked up ahead and saw a State cop coming the other direction. The cop took a u-turn behind me and passed me in no time. I little ways down the road, I came up to the stopped cop car and his prey. Yeah you guessed it, there he was, the king of the road was pulled over about to get a ticket and about to get a little salt rubbed into his fresh wound, I laid on the horn, laughed and gave him a one finger salute.
I just drove on down the highway, the new king of the road.

Oh yeah, it's good to be the king!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

YOU TUBE OF THE MIND PART 2

Some funny moments I have seen in years past popped into my cobwebbed memory the other day and I thought I should put them down on electronic paper while I still have some of my faculties left.

As usual, the blog got too wordy so I chopped it up into 6 segments. Most of these things happened before we all started carrying cameras in our phones so these events just exist in my rapidly diminishing mind. Don't know if you will get a chuckle out of any of these little snippets.
It's probably one of those things where you just had to be there.


Snot Rocket boy:

This happened at a family get together at mom's house maybe 5 or 6 years ago. Me and my brother's grandson Kyle were horsing around. Kyle was trying to get back at me and he was chasing me around the living room. He must have had a cold or something because he kinda snorted and laughed at the same time. As I was looking at him two long snot rockets shot out and just hung off his nose extending from both nostrils at least 10 inches straight down. Without missing a beat, Kyle gave a big reverse snort and retracted both snot tentacles in perfect unison back into his snout and continued running after me. I was laughing so hard I couldn't evade snot rocket boy any longer. My nephew Brian who was the only other witness to the event was laying on the couch trying to resume breathing again without much luck. He was sobbing with laughter and tears for several minutes. I was just glad that someone else had witnessed this amazing stunt.
As for Kyle, he was nonplussed; it was truly grace under pressure on his part, but he was Cool Hand Luke about the whole thing.
He showed me then and there that he was a guy you want on your side in a sticky situation.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

YOU TUBE OF THE MIND PART 1.

Some funny moments I have seen in years past popped into my cobwebbed memory the other day and I thought I should put them down on electronic paper while I still have some of my faculties left.

As usual, the blog got too wordy so I chopped it up into 6 segments. Most of these things happened before we all started carrying cameras in our phones so these events just exist in my rapidly diminishing mind.
Don't know if you will get a chuckle out of any of these little snippets.
It's probably one of those things where you just had to be there.


My Kinda Gal At The County Fair:


Johnson County fair, maybe late 70's. I was going through the Sheriff's exhibit, he had a coke can with a bud of pot on the top. He had it burning so people could smell it. Some girl in her early 20's walks up to the table the deputy was standing behind. She leans in as if she wants to find out how Marihuana smells. The cop holds the can closer to her, she leans in puts her nose about 1 inch above the burning bud, closes one nostril with her finger and takes a giant nose hit from the cop.
It took the cop a few seconds to realize he had been had, his eyes got big and he jerks the can away and just glares at her. She just smiled and walked away.
I had to leave the sheriffs tent before I completely lost it.
That was the ballsyist things I ever saw.
Man I wished I would have gotten her number, she probably would have been a fun date.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

DIET DAY THREE

Ok, Super Bowl over with, no more excuses, time to start the diet.
Monday, a granola bar for lunch and reprogrammed the digital scale for my new goal. Low fat ham samich for dinner and I feel pretty damned special.

Tuesday: a tech meeting first thing in the morning. I know there will be donuts in the area, for this is a tech meeting.
I take my seat, I know those glorious pastry temptations are on a table right behind me, but I will not look at them.
But I can smell them, brother tech Mike sits down next to me, against my better judgment I look over to see his selection. A luscious cinnamon bun. Arrrrrg!!! Excellent choice!! My stomach groans in protest, it does not understand I'm doing this for its own good. I can no longer stand by and watch it being made fun of for its girth.
The meeting begins without me turning around and succumbing to that yeasty temptation.
My manager walks over to the donut table and inquires "does anybody want any more donuts? If not I'm going to take the rest of these to the office and let them have them". No one speaks up no one raises a hand. My stomach attempts to raise its duodenal. Forget it stomach, this is for your own good. "eat shit and die" my stomach replies.
I made it through the meeting without bowing to the power of the glazed beauties. I know, I didn't cure cancer, but this is big. It was a tech meeting, I'm a tech. Technicians are like cops when it comes to donuts.

Wednesday: day three of the diet and I'm going strong. Tomorrow is Thursday and that's boys night out. That means pizza and beer. I think I will allow myself a couple of each as a reward.
I hate dieting but it is a needful thing at this point. The waistband of my work pants was getting dangerously tight.
The other day when I was getting ready for work, the button popped off my pants and went flying across the room.
If someone would have been right in front of it, it could have put an eye out, hmmm.............
Sorry, lost my train of thought there.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

I HATE WHEN IM WRONG, EXCEPT THIS TIME

What a Super Bowl !
That was a better win for the Giants than last time. My prediction for a halftime show flop for Madonna was way off, I hate to admit it, but it was ok. The only negative was that asshole rapper who gave the crowd the finger.



 I hope they didn't have to pay much for that jackass. I guess when you're short on talent you have to do something to get attention. Madonna,the one I expected to pull a skank move was pretty decent. The worse thing she did was lip-syncing her act.
Anyway, great party at Rita's house with some great SB food and my grandson was there watching his first Super Bowl.



Saturday, February 4, 2012

YOU'RE DONE WITH ROLLER COASTERS

I really love roller coasters. I like the wooden ones the best and my favorite used to be The Beast, at Kings Island. Then I rode The Voyager at Holliday World, that ride smokes! I don't know if it qualifies as a true wooden coaster as it has wood rail supports on a steel frame.
I haven't been on any coaster wood or steel since the accident. I could have done it if I just had the torn rotator cuff, but the two ruptured discs in my neck were a deal breaker.
A year after the rotator cuff surgery the surgeon cleared my to resume all my normal activities. Several months after my cervical spinal fusion surgery the surgeon who performed the surgery cleared me for most activities, except one.
The guy who slashed my throat and had a knife a fraction of an inch from my spinal cord said, "you're done with roller coasters".  Damn! I really am going to miss that rush of adrenalin I always got from the highs and lows and break-neck speed of that ride.

When I heard the heartbreaking news of Peyton Manning’s injury and problems with his surgeries,  (that was similar to mine, only my bone grafts fused after the first surgery), I didn't have much hope that he could or should play again.

I’m not even sure how long I can continue fixing people's shit and he wants to play a game that has 300 pound smashing machines who's one goal is to slam into him at full throttle.


The focus and attention of this years Super Bowl in my hometown has been split with the future of Peyton Manning.

No one player is bigger than the Super Bowl, but Peyton is pretty damned close this year. I like to listen to sports talk radio when I'm not listening to political talk radio.
A huge amount of the talk has been about the future of Peyton Manning instead of the Super Bowl. All the speculation as to what will happen with Peyton should have odds makers in Vegas trying to make book on it.

I listened to Jim Irsay being interviewed on the Jim Rome show the other day. He said emphatically that he had not made up his mind on the matter yet, he also said no matter what he decided, he would be in a no win situation,
that last statement I do believe is true. No matter what Irsay does, there will be much Monday morning quarterbacking of that decision.
You can't even put into words what Peyton means to Indy, not only for his incredible talent, but also for the quality of his character.
I can understand him not wanting to hang up his cleats, he is the ultimate competitor.
The highs and lows of playing in front of tens of thousands of cheering fans and millions more on TV has made him an adrenalin junkie. He has been on a non-stop roller coaster ride for decades.


As depressing as not seeing number 18 on the field driving defenses crazy anymore, can you imagine seeing him lying on the field not able to move his arms and legs, or worse?
You've had a great ride Peyton, nothing will ever take that away. As much as we wanted to see you in a Colts uniform until you were ready for that rocking chair, I think more than a few of us are thinking......


Stay down Peyton, stay down.
Stay off the roller coaster.