YOU WANT TO DO WHAT TO ME?

We can rebuild him, we can make him faster, stronger, better then he was before.

My ongoing quest to become the 6 million dollar technician continues April the 8th.
A rebuilt knee last February, a zapped heart last April, a rebuilt shoulder last November, heart rezapped 3 times in Feb 2011 and the next step in this process? The surgeon is going to go all O.J. on me and slice thru the front of my throat so he can get to my cervical spine. C4/C5 and C5/C6 will be removed and in its place he will put some dead guys bone where the 2 discs are to be pulled out.

Then he will put a metal bracket across my 3 vertabrae and run some screws thru it with a Black and Decker into my spine. Piece of cake.

To be honest, the surgeries and the heart stops and restarts were painful, but didn’t really scare me. The cervical spinal fusion on 2 levels have me a little more than concerned.

I have been told more than once that the rotator cuff surgery I had 5 months ago, is a lot worse than the spinal fusion surgery that I’m about to go through.

Having said that, I am still ……how do I say this without sounding like a big pussy?

Ok, I’m scared shitless! It didn’t help that I went on Youtube and watched a 10 minute vid on the procedure I’m about to go thru. In retrospect that probably was a bad idea.

Well, that’s a week from this Friday; this Friday, I will be practice walking my little girl down the aisle and give her away to another man. The next day, I will give her away for real.

I think I will get through the spinal fusion without shedding a tear.

My little girls wedding however is another matter.

CHINA 2030

This ad was produced by CAGW.com (CITIZENS AGAINST GOVERNMENT WASTE). You probably have already seen it several times; it's a lecture being given to Chinese students in the year 2030. The socialist/leftist in America hate this spot, so it must be hitting the nail directly on the head. They criticize it, but they cannot dispute it.  CAGW points the finger at both parties, as it should. Too many republicans believe that if they just make nice with the democrats and give in a little, sometimes a lot, that they can work together for the greater good. Yeah right, just ask Bush 41 about that, after not being able to get the democrats to budge on anything, he gave into them and drank the raise the taxes Kool-Aid.

They showed their gratitude by using the “read my lips no new taxes” backtrack to defeat him in the 1992 election. How did that song go? “shut up silly woman, said that reptile with a grin, you knew damn well I was a snake before you took me in". Bush 41 should have known better than to trust the left, so that’s on him.

There’s a lesson here for the Republicans of the current congress, if they will only learn from Bush 41’s mistake.

I guess anybody can get bit by a snake once, it could happen to anybody, but if you keep letting that same snake bite you time and time again, don’t blame the snake, blame the dumbass with the fang marks all over his ass.

MISTER OBAMA THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN

WE CHANGED THE LOCKS !

I JOE BIDENED TWO BLOG TITLES IN THE LAST WEEK

That is to say, I plagiarized them. I didn’t mean to, I thought I was being clever. Last Friday, I published the post, THE IRONY AND THE ECSTASY. I go back and read and re-read my blogs several times. I do it because I keep finding typos and misspellings (yes I do spell check) even after several Q & A’s.

No I don’t fancy myself the next Dennis Miller, but I do like political satire and I want to be original. So imagine my self-loathing after patting myself on the back for what I thought was a good and original title, for some reason I googled it and came up with about 140,000 results for this phrase, some years old, and none of them mine. Shit!

Ok, so I’ll do better next time, so last night I wrote a blog about the hypocrisy of the left when is comes to energy and oil production and the so-called “Carbon footprint”. After I wrote it,” CARBON FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND”, popped in my head. Good one!

Fired it off and a day later something nagged at me, no it wasn’t JoJo, this time. it was the thought that I should google this title. Guess what, yeah sure enough, I’m late to the dance once more.

You know, I started blogging a few months ago and I said it was mostly just an outlet for my own personal mental health so I would stop yelling at the HDTV, but I still want to write well enough so that I wouldn’t be embarrassed to have my kids and someday my grandkids read it and get some sense of what made this old geezer tick.

I guess it is a work in progress after all, so I shouldn’t beat myself up too bad.

I gave this blog the title:

I JOE BIDENED TWO BLOG TITLES IN THE LAST WEEK

 because Joe Biden is best known for plagiarizing in law school and well after and it killed his 1988 presidential campaign.

Trust me, I don’t want to have anything in common with this creep.

At least the title of THIS blog is original; at least I think it’s original. Shit , I better google it.

CARBON FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND

16 years ago the Republican controlled Congress and Senate passed a bill, which contained a provision for opening up the huge oil deposits of ANWR in northern Alaska. An American resource! The bill was vetoed by Bill, or Slick Willie or what ever the hell you want to call that reprobate who turned the Oval Office into the Oral Orifice back in the 90’s.

His response was, we wouldn’t get any oil out of there for 10 years anyway.

Hey dumbass! 2011 minus 1995 equals 16 years!!!! Do the math shit head!

Now we have another dullard in office saying the same damn thing. Obama and the other left-wingers are also stopping us from getting to the massive deposits in the Bakken Formation in North Dakota and the other oil fields in the Gulf.

They also make sure to regulate to death any new oil refineries in our nation.

He is determined to keep Americans beholden to other less-than-reliable countries for our energy needs.

Oh yeah, there is that other thing, the so called “carbon footprint”, we have to keep that thing as small as possible.

As you all probably know, Obama was just down in Brazil promoting the Brazilian government’s oil exploration and offered American taxpayer money to help and promised America would love to be their biggest customer. Huh? Really? So it’s a bad thing for Americans to drill for oil, but when it comes to another county, you say, “drill baby drill”?

No shit? You’re really going with that?

Ok, what is so damn special about their oil that it doesn’t produce a big carbon footprint?

Let me read between the lines Mr. Obama.

You don’t give a shit about American jobs.

You don’t give a shit about American economic recovery.

You don’t give a shit about American security.

You don’t even give a shit about American carbon footprint.

You just plain don’t give a shit do you?

Well, perhaps I’m being too critical, I don’t want to say you’re completely ambivalent about everything.

I guess you do give a shit about something

AUGIE’S GONE

My brother called me yesterday and told me he read about the passing of Augie. Side note here, my brother is always the first one to find out about people we know passing to the other side. I don’t know why he checks the obits so much unless he is just making sure he is not listed before he goes and starts his day.

Anyway he gave me the info wanting to make sure it was who he thought it was. I verified that it was indeed the 82 year old father of an old running buddy of mine (Joe) from the” old daze”.

I always liked Augie, I hadn’t seen him very much if the last several decades. Seeing how  the last time I saw Joe was his 50^th birthday party about 5 years ago, that’s not surprising.

I don’t live very close to my old friends and I kind of miss not seeing them very much, but like the song goes, “all my rowdy friends have settled down”, including me.

If you can’t run with the big dogs, it’s best to just stay on the porch.

Joe’s family was very German and very old school, their family originally came from Jasper Indiana, a town that is so German, that the McDonalds there serves beer, not only that there are people living there with the last name Hitler! No shit.

Augie’s income was not derived from farming, but he farmed his small parcel of land to feed his family. A garden, chickens, cows did the job nicely and Augie also did his own butchering.

Augie was “very careful with money” as was Joe, so there was no need to take the cows to have the butchering done by a slaughterhouse.

I used to go help them when it was time to slaughter one of the cows at the behest of my buddy Joe. I didn’t mind doing it, I was familiar with cleaning birds, rabbits, squirrels and such so, I found it interesting to see how such a large animal was processed by this family and the Germans were known for drinking a few beers.

‘Nothing goes to waste” was the banner cry of this very German family.

The hide was rolled up and sold for 15 bucks, the head meat was all removed and eaten, even the guts were recycled.

We would hang the cow from the backyard tree, push a wheelbarrow underneath.

Then open the cow from the tail to the neck (after it had been bled out) and pull the innards out and more than fill the contractors sized wheelbarrow. Joe would push it to the chicken pen and go all Dexter on the guts with a butcher knife and the chickens would gobble up their yearly feast with much glee. The sight of chickens eating fresh cow guts was a little macabre, the chickens didn’t complain though.

This was always done in the late fall so the beef could be quartered and hung in the now cold garage for 4 days and we would return and cut the quarters up into steaks, pan fry, hamburger, liver, head meat.

When all the work was done, Augie would say “thanks Riley, you wanna take home some of this liver?’ Augie would be holding up the huge quivering mass of the bile-producing organ, knowing I hated liver; like I said, Augie was very careful with money.

“No I’m good Augie, thanks anyway”, I would smile and walk out of the garage wondering what the hell would Augie do if I would have said “sure Augie, cut me a big slice of that shit”, I could have taken it home and fed it to my dog.

I was always impressed with was the overall efficiency of this family operation. Even the assassination of the cow had to be done in a certain way.

“These things have be done delicately”, as the wicked witch said.

Augies cows were used to him coming to the gate and hand feeding them on a regular basis, so we all had to hide behind the shed and Augie would call the cow to the gate with one hand behind his back. The cow thinking, oh boy, my ol buddy Augie has a treat for me. Only this time instead of a handful of grain for the cow, Augie would be packing heat. Before the cow figured out that something was amiss, Augie pulled his gun out and put a hit on the cow that would make Tony Soprano proud.

Augie liked his meat relaxed and close to the gate.

In closing, I just wanted to say,

Rest in peace Augie; bis die Kühe Nach Hause kommen (till the cows come home.)

WHEN DID WE CURE A.I.D.S ? WHERE DID ALL THE HOMELESS GO ?

Back in 1991, when President Bush 41 gave Magic Johnson H.I.V. Arsenio Hall made the racist remark that Bush “can kiss my black ass” because he wasn’t doing anything about A.I.D.S.

To be fair Hall was a good friend of Magic’s and he was upset because President Bush had created A.I.D.S. and forced Magic to cheat on his wife and have as much anonymous sex with all the skanks he met on the road .

To top it off, Bush 41 made sure no cure for this virus could be found. He did this by allowing millions more for research for an A.I.D.S. cure than any other disease. Even though no cure for any virus has ever been discovered.

Hall was by no means the only one who was wailing and gnashing his teeth at President Bush, all the left winged politicians and all the left media and Hollywood elites cursed his name and laid the blame for this scourge at the steps of the Whitehouse.

Evidently this disease took a hiatus during the Clinton years, because no one ever told Clinton to kiss their black ass during his 8 years in office.

Then Bush 43 brought the disease back during his 2 terms. Now that Obama has been in office for the last couple of years, he must have single handedly cured A.I.D.S. because we don’t hear the outcry from the left about this disease anymore.

Whilst pondering this anomaly of history, I began to wonder where the hell did all the millions and millions of homeless people go?

I remember well, homeless advocate Mitch Snyder decried there was 3 million homeless people in America and President Reagan was to blame.

Snyder said there were 3 million homeless people in America and that 45 homeless people die every minute. That means 64,800 homeless people die every day, and that 2 million homeless people die each month. Snyder's figures would mean that all the homeless would be dead in a couple of months. Huh? The truth is, when Mitch made this claim, only 4 Americans in total, died every minute.

I guess mathematics wasn’t Mitch’s strong suit, but apparently lying was.
This jackass was an ex-con who abandoned his wife and kids and eventually did the world a favor and hung himself. The media loved him, because he was a useful idiot.

Of course the liberal network media, took these figures that ol Mitch pulled out of his ass and ran with it. Who could blame them? We had a Republican president in office and if a leftist homeless advocate came up with this W.A.G. (wild ass guess) , well that’s good enough for us!

These millions of homeless continued to cause massive shortages of shopping carts through the Bush 41 term and then poof! Slick Willie gets in office and they all suddenly disappeared! Where the hell did they all go? I guess Bill took them in and gave them shelter.

 I think Monica Lewinski must have been a homeless gal cause he found room for her in the Oval Office.


I want you to listen, I did not have sex with that homeless woman!



After Bush 43 took office I bought stock in the shopping cart industry because I knew there would be a run on that stock after Bush kicked all the homeless out of the basement of the Whitehouse.

I sold the shopping cart stock “short” and made a killing after Obama took office, because I knew there would be a glut of them again.

I also got on the phone and told my good friend Magic that it was safe to go out whoring again!

THE IRONY AND THE ECSTASY

How do you like me now people?

Irony is a funny thing; it seem like the people responsible for and ironic moment, don’t see the irony of their situation even though it’s incredible obvious. The Obama administration is replete with irony.

The latest golden moment was supplied by the coalition of open government groups. A couple of days ago, they were scheduled to give Obama another phony award to go on his mantle along with his other phony awards, no doubt right next to the lame assed award called the Nobel Peace Prize.

The irony of this latest gag-prize award he was supposed to receive was twofold. Not only was the award a reward for running an open and transparent government, being the Obama administration is running one of the most secretive and corrupt administrations since the Clinton cabal, but the best part, wait for it…..

The Obama administration had to postpone the award ceremony at the last minute and it was noted by other writers that” the reason for the postponement was not entirely transparent”.

I know he has had other pressing matters such as ignoring the Middle East Crisis and filling out his NCAA basketball brackets.

There are veins of comedy gold that run throughout the Obama comedy troupe, but none that are richer than the awards that these Obama ass kissers heap on him for no apparent reason.

It was 2 months before he got elected when it is believed that the Noble Booby Prize was decided it would go to him.

Maybe these awards people are psychic and knew Obama would someday go on his world supplication and apology for America tour. Maybe they could see into the future and witness him as he bowed and scraped before the Chinese Communists leaders and despotic Middle East kings. Maybe they saw him make good on his campaign promise and close Gitmo, oh wait that hasn’t happened yet. Well maybe they saw him make good on his campaign promise and end our involvement in Iraq, oh wait that hasn’t happened yet. Well how about Afganist…, oh wait that hasn’t happened yet.

Well no matter, he is a good socialist and that makes him cool with us so lets give him the damned award anyway. I mean if we can give it to the likes of Al Gore and Jimmy Carter, then Obama is at least as worthy as those two.

This latest award for transparency in government, aka the sunshine award is humorous of it’s own accord, but when you compare that with the thousands of documents that have been requested by the public and denied by the Obama administration, the whole thing becomes even more laughable.

I think the only sunshine supplied by this administration, has been delivered up our collective ass!

It’s hard to know who is more laughable these days; the award givers, who have watered down the meaning of their award by giving them to buffoons who clearly have not done anything to deserve them, or the award recipients who accept the awards knowing they got them only for political reasons.

I mean the Nobel Peace Prize to Jimmy Carter and Al Gore and Barrack Obama? Really ? I mean Really??

It’s sorta like when the Academy Awards program has the category for Best Awards Show and gives the award to It’s self. These guys are going to need rotator cuff surgery from patting themselves on the back so much.

I have said before, that they should just give the Nobel Prizes in boxes of Cracker Jacks, but now that I think about it; Cracker Jacks is a great tasting snack and a piece of Americana.

If after chomping down the box of savory caramel popcorn and peanuts and getting to the bottom of the box where the prize is hiding;

 you anxiously tear open the covering and instead of finding the cool plastic magnifying glass or the cardboard puzzle, you find a crummy Nobel Award. ” Sombitch!” you say, “every knucklehead under the sun has one of those”. You throw it in the trash along with the empty Cracker Jack box, walk off and say,

“Wow, what a gyp!”

WAITING FOR SUPERMAN (and a tale of two films)

I had been hearing bits a pieces about this documentary on the radio for the past few months; the subject matter sounded very interesting. It was an expose’ of the educational system (grades 1 thru 12) in this county. More to the point, it was an expose’ of the failure of the educational system in this country.

The difference in this documentary and all the other stories that has been published about this problem is, this documentary did not blame the Republicans for being cold hearted and not allocating enough money for this resource.

The documentary rightly explains in detail how the two main teachers unions are only concerned with keeping more teachers employed regardless of their teaching ability or their desire to actually teach the kids.

I’m not saying all teachers fall into this category; my niece was a great teacher who made a difference in some of the worst inner city environments you can get. She is now advanced her career into school administration and has the challenge of dealing with the teachers unions whose main focus is maintaining their own power base instead of education.

WAITING FOR SUPERMAN, deals with this subject in detail, it follows the travails of 4 young inner-city children whose parents actually care about their kids education.

These parents know that the mainstream public schools are lost causes with a few caring teachers sparsely spread out among the rest who just want to piss the day away until it’s quitting time. These classes consists of teachers reading the newspaper while kids text on their cell phones, or shoot dice in the back if the room, or whatever.

I can’t speak to the prevalence of this problem throughout the country. I do have one good example however.

Several years ago I was training a young black man who had immigrated from Sierra Leone, he spoke the “King’s English” more properly than I did, he was also very polite and seemed genuinely interested in learning the heating/cooling trade.

We were working on an air-conditioner in the inner city. The homeowner who was an older black lady, was enquiring about this young man and where he came from. I told her all about him and she said” he seems like a very well mannered young man and very intelligent and willing to learn". I agreed with her assessment and she told me she was a retired schoolteacher that had spent decades in Indy's very large school system. She looked at the young man and shook her head and told me “ a boy like that would be eaten alive in our school system”. I was shocked by her candor and I really didn’t know how to respond to her statement and remain politically correct.

The full impact of what that woman said to me didn’t sink in until I had clocked out for the day and had a little time to process her words.

What she had told me in so many words was this young man was better off getting an education in a diamond fueled war torn basket case of a country like Sierra Leone, than in the public schools in the heartland of America!

I don’t mean to generalize, I know the brutality of Sierra Leone, the blood diamonds, the kidnapping and slavery, the monstrous rebels who hacked off arms and legs of innocent men, women and children, but somehow this young man received a decent education in that mess and even learned to speak English better than most people that live here.

Conversely, I am sure there are some fine public schools here in America that are doing a good job teaching kids despite the overly intrusive teachers unions.

The governor of Wisconsin has his hands full trying to fix the budget problems of his state. He is being savagely opposed by all the public unions, two of which are the powerful teachers unions, the N.E.A. and the A.F.T

It’s a vicious cycle, the teachers pay unions so they will get them tenured, which means they can be the worst teacher in the world and never be fired, the union bosses crawl in bed with the liberal Democrats and give them money to reelect corrupt politicians, who in turn allocate more and more taxpayer money to the public school systems so the corrupt unions can skim off much of that money for themselves and the unionized teachers no matter how incompetent they may be.

The problem with this chain of “tails wagging the dogs” is, no where in this circle of insane money and power is there any consideration of why they are supposed to be here and that is: TO TEACH OUR DAMNED KIDS!!!!!!.

Sorry, seems I have been chasing rabbits again, back to the main theme of this blog and that is the reception of two different documentaries. Waiting For Superman, which was a very well written and produced factual account of the dire condition of public education in this country that was soundly panned by critics and ignored by the Academy.

Compared with how the fairly tale “An Inconvenient Truth” was glorified by the left winged media and lavished with awards even getting the dim witted narrator, a Nobel Prize.

 Well they may as well give Nobel Prizes in boxes of Cracker Jacks anymore. That documen no strike that, that semi-fictional “B” movie was full of junk science and even stole the computer generated melting ice cap scene from the movie “The Day After Tomorrow”!

Well is it possible that the filmmaker of one film had more talent than the other? Doubt it, the same guy who did the Inconvenient Bullshit movie also did Waiting for Superman.

The difference in reception of this latest documentary by the left is because it didn’t fit the narrative of the left winged belief system.

This fact must have left the filmmaker of both films, Davis Guggenheim scratching his head. He has to be thinking” I make a documentary that is actual bullshit with a numbskull for a narrator and they rain awards and heap praise on me, then I make a factual and important documentary that could help millions of kids get a proper education and now I’m the redheaded step-child????”

If you get the chance to watch Waiting For Superman, it is well worth the 102 minutes of your life. Even if you already understand how messed up public education in this country is, this film will put things into proper context and make you realize what needs to be done about it.

That chain of “tails wagging the dogs” is the biggest impediment to the future of our country. The only way to break it is by doing what Governor Walker in Wisconsin is trying to do and reign in these self-serving money grubbing union bosses, eliminate the tenure system and reward good teachers, throttle down the power of the  N.E.A. and the A.F.T, hold the corrupt left winged politicians accountable for their whore mongering with the corrupt unions and vote their asses out!

If we do all that, maybe we can get schools back to the way it used to be way back when I was a student and the biggest problem the educators faced was trying to stop guys like me from “pitching woo” with our girlfriends in the school parking lot.

If you don’t know what “pitching woo” means then you obviously didn’t go to Center Grove High School and you never got to hear the morning announcements from the greatest principal in the world.

Here’s to ya Vandy !

HELP FOR OUR CREDIT CHALLENGED CUSTOMERS

That’s what I heard on the radio today. I think it was a commercial for used cars and they were targeting their customer base who are apparently were creditlly challenged.

I can understand why someone who is mentally or physically handicapped wanting to be considered challenged instead of handicapped. They are going through life impaired through no fault of their own and I will call them whatever they want to be called; having said that, I cannot afford the same courtesy to people who have been reckless and irresponsible with their accounts payables exceeding their accounts receivables.

If we do indeed give these people a pass and allow them to shift blame from themselves to just drawing the short straw in life, then I guess it’s only fair to give the same courtesy to our current administration. I guess it would be more proper to say we have a credit challenged president. He is also an abilitlly challenged world leader. Why stop there, we have to excuse his lack of leadership as Commander and Chief and say he is decisionally challenged, that should make the Iranian and Libyan and Egyptian freedom fighters feel better about him being so wishy washy.

Since I’m feeling so generous today, it’s only fair I give myself some of this liberal understanding.

Since tomorrow is Thursday, which is boys night out, and also Saint Patrick’s Day, which means imbibing much beer and pizza; I will excuse my gluttony and admit that life has dealt me an unfair blow.

I don’t want your pity, but I am caloriecally and miscreantly challenged!

THE DEVIL’S THROAT

No, it’s not just another name for Hillary Clinton’s pie hole. It's a dive site in the Punta Sur area of Cozumel. I was there in 2000 with a dive group from Indy; the dive trip was a gift to myself for having survived the divorce from hell. At the ATA counter getting our seat assignments, the ticket counter gal was a sweetheart and she gave me and the friend I was traveling with, a free upgrade to fly first class. Good way to start the trip! There were about 13 or 14 of is that were doing this dive trip out of Indy and we had planned for 13 dives, one of which would be a night dive, my first one.

We were staying at a fantastic resort called the Allegro. It was an all-inclusive resort, the diving, the food, the entertainment and best of all, the alcohol were all included.
 That’s right, boys and girls, all the free margarita’s and Corona’s you want!
The rooms were in little stand alone Tiki huts and the dock for the dive boats were just a few steps away from the room.

Our group was about as diverse in occupations and dive experience as you could get. The friend I was diving with had been certified just a few months prior and had only done a few fresh water dives max depth maybe 55 feet. I had about 9 or 10 years of diving experience and had logged several dives in the gulf and was pretty comfortable with some of the more challenging dives ahead.

There was a cute little nurse on in our group that had just gotten certified and distracted me a few times and got me chewed out underwater once by the head of the dive group for losing my dive buddy. I accidentally ditched him while trying to help the cute little nurse untangle her hair from her mask strap while still on the dive boat. Hey, it would have been ungentlemanly of me to not help a damsel in distress, especially a really hot nurse.

Cozumel is a beautiful place and a divers dream with lots of great diving just a few minutes boat ride away. Our diving schedule called for daily 2 tank, 2 site dives scheduled each morning; with a 3^rd dive scheduled in the middle of the week as a night dive at Chankanaab. We would be doing some dives that were right at the recreational limit. That's alot to expect from the two novice divers that were with us; luckily we had about 4 dive instructors in our group. The aforementioned cute little nurse had just gotten her C-card and had no open water dive experience other than her training dives.

The schedule worked out great, our dives finishing up early and we were back at the resort around noon. There were many nice restaurants in the resort to chose from, but my favorite meal was lunch after the morning dives next to the pools and beachside at the grill and pool bar. Showering off next to the pool and diving in to wash the ocean water off, then bellying up to the pool bar for a few well deserved margarita's. After a few of those it was only a ten-foot walk to the poolside grill for some great cheeseburgers in paradise.

Then we had the rest of the day to sightsee or just party like hell, I didn’t do a lot of sightseeing.

 Back to the reason we were all there, the diving. All but 2 of the dives we did were drift dives. The first few days we did some nice wall dives then one morning the leader of our dive group said we were going to dive the Devils Throat. Kind of a scary name and a pretty tricky dive even for experienced divers.

 The devils throat is a coral cave dive, the entrance is at 80 feet and winds down a long way and at the exit you punch out of a hole at the edge of a wall that drops about 1000 feet. The exit puts you at 135 feet deep, right at the limit for recreational divers. I only have one picture that I took right at the entrance of the cave.

 I would have taken more but the cheap dive camera I had, stated that max depth was 80 feet and they weren’t bullshitting. When the dive was over the camera case was flooded and it never worked again.

Parts of the coral cave is more like a long tube laying on sand than a cave, with some small openings throughout, just big enough to let a little light in and some divers exhaust air out. In the middle of the cave is a small chamber that used to have a sponge coral attached that was in the shape of a cross. A hole in the side of the chamber lined up to illuminate the cross and the Mexican dive masters from the boat seemed to revere it. I read that heavy currents from a hurricane a few years ago tore the coral cross loose.

 As things lined up, I ended up 2^nd in line just behind one of our Mexican dive master. Nice! I knew he wouldn’t fin up any sediment so I should have great vis in the cave. We made our way into the coral tube, descending as we traveled through it all the while getting darker, till the gauges on my console started to glow. When I got to the coral cross I tried to get a picture of it, that’s when I believed the max depth specs on the cheap camera case, it was already water logged. Too bad, it was a cool thing to see. After seemingly the longest dive of my life, I finally saw the opening of the cave glowing deep dark blue growing larger.

 When I came to the opening I felt like superman jumping out of a window; I just hung there at 135 feet looking straight down the wall into the abyss. I felt incredible and I may have been just a little narced because of the depth. My jaw would have dropped if I wasn’t clenching the regulator with my teeth. It was an amazing sight! My dive buddy had burnt thru his air pretty fast, so we could only hang there at the wall for just a coupe of minutes before we were had to start our ascent. As we headed up, the current was pulling us back over the cave so we got to see it from above as we slowly ascended. It was a beautiful sight with a lot of divers air being exhausted through the perforations in the coral.

When we all got picked up by the boat we all were pumped and shared our experiences of the dive. Later when I was talking to the cute little nurse, she told me how freaked out she was in the cave, she didn’t get the same thrill from the dive that the rest of us did. She felt like she was a bad diver so I tried to console her. I told her that she had been on the most challenging dive she will probably ever be on and even a diver with my vast experience was a little scared too. Yeah, I was working it.

 She felt better about herself as a diver and I felt better about my chances of making inroads with a cute nurse on a dive vacation. I was just a few miles from my seat at the pool bar at the Allegro, but I was a million miles away from my hellish divorce and life was good again.

WHEN ARE WE GONNA COME DOWN?

So we were baby-sitting our little buddy Gavin today. I decided it was time for us to play rocket man. This is where I’m laying on the floor with Gavin sitting on my belly. We do a countdown 5,4,3,2,1 blastoff! I lift him off my belly and raise him all the way over till his head just touches the floor and then reverse direction and land him back on the belly launch pad to a perfect landing. We have done this maneuver in the past with no anomalies in the operation. After just a few launches, Gavin let out a big burp after a landing, so I just let him sit there for a minute, then I heard the familiar warning; “Houston we have a problem!” and we had an Apollo 13 moment and he blew formula chunks on both of us. Hmmm, I don’t see space flight in this kids future.

WE’RE ALL ON SHAKY GROUND

I had a pretty long-winded blog all ready to go this morning. The subject was about a dive trip I took back in 2000. It was a happy time in my life.

 After watching the devastation all morning in Japan, it didn’t seem appropriate to post that blog today. An 8.9 magnitude earthquake just off shore north of Tokyo is hard to comprehend.

Watching the tsunami create waves of churning cars, boats, ships, houses, buildings and people; the death toll will be heartbreaking. They had about 10 minutes of warning of the impending tsunami, even if they all got the warning, they wouldn’t have had enough time to escape the destruction.

Japan is on some of the most earthquake and tsunami prone places on the planet and this sword is always hanging over their heads. Even here in Middle America we are not safe from natures fury. The New Madrid fault runs from Arkansas thru the Missouri Valley and connects with the Wabash Valley Seismic Zone in southern Indiana and has over the years produced earthquakes in the 8.4 range and higher. In recent years the quakes were only strong enough to get some attention from us all and remind us of our insignificance here on planet Earth. Not since the early 1800’s have we felt the full fury of this fault zone leading many to speculate that we here in fly-over-country are past due for another big one anytime.

Earthquakes are but one of many “acts of God”, that keep us in our place. When you think about the big picture, our existence is dependent on a little speck of dust that is part of a huge solar system. As we spin around the sun, our solar system is just a dim flicker of light out in the boondocks of an outer arm of a mediocre barred spiral galaxy that rotates every 220 million years around a mammoth black hole in the center of the the Milky Way.

This entire galaxy along with the other billions of galaxies are sailing through space, some retreating from the others, some colliding with other galaxies merging into one. While all this is going on, our little planet is just a law of probability away from colliding with an asteroid or comet so large that it could reboot life here on Earth once again.

Thanks CnC for that ray of sunshine !

No problem, just trying to put the day into perspective

HARRY REID THE COWBOY POET

The discussion in the Senate was cutting the budget. One of the biggest boondoggles is the N E A, the national endowment for really shitty art that nobody wants to buy. Good ol Harry was really concerned about his Cowboy Poetry Festival.

Nancy Pelosi a while back was pleading the case for Obama care, saying it would enable people to quit their jobs and pursue a career as a shitty artist or singer.

So that’s the answer from these dumbasses? More debt to give to shitty cowboy poets and free health care so lousy so-called artists can quit their jobs and get free Obama care?

I gotta try my hand at this:

There once was a cowpoke from Lubbock

Who’s &*%^ was so long he could &**&#

Ok, so it’s a work in progress, where’s my grant bitches?

IMMUNITY BOY NO MORE

For over a year now I have had every disfunction of the body known to mankind, but I had yet to contract any of the horrible colds and flu's that had been going around.
My wife, my physical therapist, my kids, my brother, sisters, moms, nieces, friends, enemies, and babies have been spewing all manner of spirochetes and anthrax spores at me trying their best to break my super power of immunity to no avail. I was Immunity Boy!
 Till 5 days ago. Some evil villain has discovered my weakness and filled my lungs with Kryponyte. I am Immunity Boy no more.
 At least my wife reaps the benefit of this malady. I am now able to enthrall her with a near perfect impersonation of Lou Rawls.

WATCH JUST A FEW MINUTES OF THIS, THEN....

THEN, CLEANSE YOUR BRAIN OUT WITH THIS...

TICK TICK TICK TICK, DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND CHARLIE ??

That's the sound of your life running out Charlie.

What’s that? Oh, you’re a rock star; you have that kind of internal constitution to endure the drug abuse and beating and threatening women and destroying hotel rooms. Ok, maybe you’re right. I mean why else would all the leaches that surround you keep agreeing with you and feeding your ego? They must be right. I’m sure Heath Ledger, Chris Farley and John Belushi would all agree with you….. if they were still alive. I could keep naming names, of all the people who had it all and ended up residing on the wrong side of the sod, but I would be here all day.

You want to see your future Charlie? Google “ Chris Farley dead picture”, I warn you it ain’t pretty. Watching you and Lindsay Lohan on the news is like watching two trains on the same track heading the same way. It will make for great TV.

I'm not saying I’m perfect, Lord knows when I was a kid, I did plenty of stupid shit. There were times that I was pretty much out control. Then one day I took a good hard look at my life and heard the sound, that annoying little tick, tick, tick sound. The sound that's all around you right now Charlie and getting louder, but your too busy banging porn stars and rocking up the crack pipe to hear it. Here is some sage advise for you Mister Sheen; I wish I would have thought it up, but some guy named Paul penned this a long time ago.

"When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became a man, I put away childish things".

 Time to put away those childish things Charlie, before those childish things put you away.



Carlos Irwin Estévez born 9/3/1965
died  ?/?/2011

I AM A MUSLIM TOO

Protestors are gathering (what else is new?) in New York to bitch about hearings led by Rep. Peter King. The hearings are about the danger posed to American Muslims targeted by radicals for conversion into their lunatic brand of Islam.

Oh, that couldn’t happen, could it Nidal Malik Hassan? The usual suspects, various left wing interfaith and entertainment radical liberals will lead the protests.

These liberals should have to walk a mile in someone else’s burka. Do these people actually believe that there are no imams in this country actively indoctrinating other Muslins to join in on the world wide effort to murder and terrorize the rest of the world in an effort to force their evil beliefs on the rest us ?

There are a lot of decent moderate Muslims who don’t practice some of the more violent and genocidal aspects of the Koran; eventually if left to the radicals however, they will someday be compelled to.

Hey liberals, maybe life under Sharia law and the Taliban won’t be so bad; there WILL be a few adjustment you will need to make in you and your children’s lives though.

First of all, the Kardashian girls will need to get fitted for some of those really cool mobile tents.



khloe and kim take Jalālābād

 Hey that may be a good look for some of these people. All you good liberal fathers, keeping your daughters under control will be a whole hell of a lot easier. If they don’t dress in their little tents or refuse to follow any of the other laws of the taliban all you have to do is kill them.

Men just think what an advantage it would be if you get the hots for another woman. No need to hire that expensive divorce lawyer. Just do what they do in Iran, falsely accuse her of adultery and problem solved, she will be buried up to her waist and stoned to death by you and the rest of the neighborhood. Just ask the former husband of Soraya M and her two boys.

 If you want to keep your wife but are having a little trouble keeping her in line; you and your parents are welcome to beat her half to death. If she decides to leave home all you have to do is have the local Taliban leaders hunt her down and slice her ears and nose off. That will show her who’s boss.

 Wow, what a great society! Who  needs free will?

 You feminists will eventually have to fall in line too.

I'm sure female genitalia mutilation won’t really be all that bad, I mean what women really needs to have an orgasm anyway?

The banner cry of this protest is” I AM A MUSLIM TOO”.

Catchy slogan, but I think you libs need to plan your next vacation for the Afghanistan-Pakistan border and room with some of these miserable souls.

Hey maybe we can get you all a group rate!

SAME OLD SAME OLD

Former Rep. Fred Grandy who also starred in The Love Boat, resigned from his radio show under pressure from the stations owners, the reason? He talked too much about radical islam.

In other news, ABC is working on a new pilot called Good Christian Bitches.

The message here is, lets not discuss the 800 pound gorilla in the corner of the room named Mohammad , however Christians are still fair game.

Jeff Dunham and Achmad the dead terrorist

THE REAL HATE GROUP

Finally the press gets it right. The Westboro Cult IS a hate group, but that's all the press got right about these ghouls. They are not Baptists, they are not a Christian church, they are not a church at all. They are a large family of inbred freaks. That’s not ad hominem; they have to interbreed, who the hell else would have them?

I’ve tried to figure this cult family out for years, but it’s hard to wrap your mind about their so-called theology. Years ago, I spent a great deal of time researching different cults, trying to figure out what different people believe and why. Some are personality cults; some are based more on an idea.

The Branch Davidians who were torched in Waco, were a personality cult who believed their leader David Koresh (Vernon Wayne Howell) was the second coming of Christ. He had complete control of his cult. In reality he was nothing more than a narcissistic lunatic and child molester.

Scientology is more of an idea cult created by a hack sci fi writer named L. Ron Hubbard. He was quoted that he could made some big money by inventing a religion based on his science fiction bullshit.

Sorry Maverick, but I don’t believe the planet is infected with alien ghosts, maybe they are illegal alien ghosts.

Trying to put the Westboro cult into a specific category is like herding cats. Why protest the funeral of a 9-year-old little girl killed in the Tucson shooting? How does that get you closer to God? I’ve read the bible from cover to cover, even the hard parts and I don’t remember anything in there that gives you authority to defile this precious little girl, or anyone else’s child that’s being laid to rest. I’m certainly not the first one to point this out, but it bears repeating; the soldiers you are desecrating are the very ones that give their lives so you can have the freedom to act like the jackasses you are.

The whole controversy about whether they have the right spew their hatred on families who are already crushed by the death of a loved one, will be debated for a long time to come.

I don’t have all the answers on this, on one hand I am a free speech guy, it is one of the most important rights granted us by the constitution. On the other hand, I understand there are consequences for shouting fire in a crowded room (unless there really is a fire) and burning the American flag (unless the flag is tattered and worn in that case burning the flag is permissible but must be done with the utmost respect) there are good points to be made on both sides of this mess.

Since I am so wishy washy on the whole free speech of Fred and his Westboro inbred cult family; last night I joined the Patriot Riders. This is a great organization that rides to a funeral of the fallen if invited by the family and shield the family from the inbreds zombies and give the grieving family some measure of privacy as they lay their loved ones to rest.

My joining this group is mostly symbolic due to the fact that I am getting ready for cervical spinal fusion on 2 levels and this is my 4^th operation in little over a year.

So I won’t be getting on my bike for a few months and even after that I won’t be able to ride for more than a couple hours so I may have to trailer the bike (I know that’s a sissy move) or I will have to limit my range of participation.

The bottom line is, I have to do something and I know this will incite my little sister to do some protesting of her own, but like I said Rita, you have to give me a pass on this one, you know it’s a good cause. Hell you may even want to ride with me!